There are worse things than living with Autism

This week we had our daughter's final diagnostic session with her psychologist. Her official opinion is that our girl is indeed autistic. I decided not to go straight home, instead I took the kids to a nearby ('pirate ship!') playground and decided to forget about the world.

Let me sail away from reality for a while...

We were soaking up the Autumn sunshine after a cold and wet morning. I ran around with the kids and enjoyed their happy faces and crazy antics. Usually I'm at the park with them and a group of friends, so I'm busy talking to other parents rather than playing. It was nice to get lost in the moment with the girls, and be a stranger to everyone else at the park.

I had to sit down to feed the baby and an older woman approached me to ask if the school holidays had finished yet, she was holidaying from interstate and thought the children were due back in school.
'They have" I replied, 'we homeschool, that's why my big kids are here today' I explained.
'So what do you make of all these changes in schools?' She asked.
'I think the only way for White Australia and Black Australia to move forward is with an honest understanding of our history, including the ugly.' I replied, thinking she was asking me about the embarrasing controversy* in which white people got upset about university students being asked to refer to English "discovery" of Australia as "invasion".
'No, no, not that. I mean this awful safe schools business.'
'Oh' I found myself dumbfounded.

Safe Schools is a program to educate students about sexual diversity. It introduces students to common sense concepts like respect.
'Well, it's good...it's just life' I began before being interrupted.
 'Children don't need to learn about those sorts of things so young!'
'They already know, that's what I'm saying, it's just life and kids-'
'In this day and age. It's terrible. I never knew about it as a child. Growing up in New Zealand you never met a person like that.'
'Yes you did. You absolutely met gay people, you just didn't realise it.'
What I failed to have the presence of mind to tell her at the time was that she didn't realise she was currently talking to a bisexual woman. But it got worse and in the end it was probably wise I let her think I was heterosexual (though I feel sick about it now...but my bi invisibility as a mother is another matter for another post).

'There are gay children in school right now, and they need support and safety' I said.
'Kids are so suggestable! As I'm sure you know, as a mother. You can make a child think anything' (like that there's no such thing as gay? Yes, I've seen your kind "making children think", despicable, you're the reason we so desperately need the safe school program). She went on: 'I knew a young man who thought he was gay, in university, you know how it is, they get all confused at university. But he's not and he knows that now and he's happily married. So you see..'
I could dissect this one sentence and write an entire post about it alone, but I'll quickly just offer this symphony of hashtags for my critique: #bisexualityisreal #bivisibility #sexualdiversityisntaphase #becausefuckyou

At this point she revealed the completely unsurprising fact that she identifies as a Christian and that she could never be convinced homosexuality was acceptable because it's a sin, plain and simple.
'It's clearly there in The Bible.' She frothed.
I am now suffering a terrible case of the Should-ve-saids...I should have been snarky and said: Well, my Christian friends and I don't base our opinions of the education system on the ramblings of a group of men two thousand years dead. Or I could have memorised this ahead of time:

The West Wing for the win

But I didn't. I must finally be accepting my parent's early teaching: you can't argue with an idiot, because I stayed calm and continued to insert my dissenting opinion when she paused to steal valuable oxygen from the atmosphere.

I despise "The Bible" argument (you might have surmised). Once upon a time I identified as a Christian, myself. During this time I read The Bible and I managed not to turn into an arsehole. There's this guy in The Bible and he's basically The Anti This-woman.
'Yes, but what about the life and teachings of your Christ?' I asked, 'What would Jesus make of the safe school program? What did he have to say about the marginalised people of society? And who did he hang out with?'
'He changed lives! He associated with fallen women and then they stopped working as prostitutes because of him.'
#lostcause

'Have you read The Bible?' she asked indignintly.
'I have' I replied.
'Yes, but have you studied The Bible'
'Yes, I have. I was raised by fundamentalist Christians, I was very devout until I was 20, I'm no longer Christian. But even when I was, I did not interpret the life of Christ the way you have chosen to interpret it'. I said as respectfully as is possible under the circumstances.
'Well I've been reading Revelations. You'll never convince me to turn away from faith. Christ is my saviour.'
Not that I hoped to turn you away from your faith, but you're the one who has completely missed the point of your Messiah!
Another Christian who has yet to "find Jesus"
...there are too many to count.

At this point my recently labelled "autistic" daughter needed her drink bottle re-filled and I had to find a water tap. I had to wrap this exchange up as best I could and as quick as I could before my girl started losing her shit. I went with:
'I think the safe schools program is a step in the right direction, because anything that challenges stigma and shame is good for society.'

I've been reeling ever since. As the girls continued playing, I stood watching them and wondering 'Why???? Why did the universe have to send me a bigot while I was trying to enjoy the park with my kids and process the news that one of them has autism????' Then it struck me...There are worse things than living with autism.

My daughter may find certain aspects of socialisation challenging. She may struggle with fine motor skills, language and comprehension. She may always find new people and places difficult, she may live with anxiety her whole life and be triggered by loud noises and crowds. She may prefer screens over nature walks and My Little Ponies over people. But she is safe and she is loved. She will grow up knowing the feeling of acceptance....she will not have to fear coming out to her family if she is a lesbian or indeed if she is asexual. She will not learn to hate or fear people with different orientations or beliefs from her own.

My daughter is autistic, and her empathy and social skills are still light years ahead of middle-aged conservatives.

So glad I decided to take them to the park

*I'm embarrassed that this was controversial. It is factually incorrect to refer to European arrival as "discovery" given science has shown that the First Australians were here for literally thousands of years before that point! And history has shown us European arrival involved the systematic oppression and mass murder of Indigenous Australians.

8 year old with a message for her government

I mentioned last week that we've embarked on some Australian themed social studies. Gaia's questions about refugees came just in time for the epic Palm Sunday walk for justice.

She can't comprehend the government's current policy (and it's got nothing to do with her comprehension!) She made a sign and experienced her first protest march yesterday (actually...she's been to other protest marches in a baby sling, but this is her first on foot and by her choice).

A couple of weeks ago we joined a group of families in our area to stand together for a photo to contribute to the #letthemstay social media movement. We made some new friends and Gaia learnt about refugees. Afterwards she said "next time, can we make a sign?" I was pleasantly surprised she had already decided there would be a next time she stood up for asylum seekers.

We have so much in Australia, we could share it. The reality is that asylum seeking families are being used by our government as political pawns, and not just by our current governemnt. For well over a decade now, the political party in power has used refugees and emigration to divide the nation and incite fear. By keeping us divided and afraid they are free to rule as they please and sell it to us as keeping us safe: "protecting our borders", "turning back the boats" as if we're under attack. We are not being invaded, we are being asked to find our compassion and open our doors to people who have lost everything and risked the rest (including their lives) in search of basic human rights (food, shelter, water, safety from bombs). 

At the Palm Sunday gathering speakers from Jews For Refugees, a Christian minister and a Muslim gentleman stood together and each told of how their religion teaches that the Australian Government's treatment of refugees is immoral. The woman from JFR said many of the people alive in Australia today owe their lives to people smugglers of the 1930s and 40s in Europe. This is not to suggest that people smugglers are honest people doing this work out of the goodness of their hearts, we know that high prices are paid to smugglers for entry into abominable conditions on the high seas, just for a shot at a safer life (or a life at all!). And when they reach our shores they're turned away to camps on surrounding islands where they spend years waiting to "be processed". 

A man who had lived in one of these camps in the late 1990s shared some of his experiences at the Palm Sunday rally. He said there were no real doctors, and when you were ill you were told "drink more water." In recent years we've learned that many asylum seekers have been sexually abused by their captors, including children. The Australian Government has worked hard to cover up these autrocities and have threatened imprisonment to any doctors who go to the camps and make public what they witness. But teachers and doctors have listened to their consciences over their fears and spoken up.

Australia has a long history of hypocrisy and subjugating any group that is not of white-Western-European descent. Sometimes our schools teach students how abhorrent our past is...and yet no connection is made between the horrors of the past and horrors of the present (or at least they weren't when I was in school, I'm sure some schools do so today, including the one's represented at the rally on Palm Sunday). I'm fed up with my Government apologising for "mistakes" they were very committed to in our history. Saying sorry means you will do everything in your power not to repeat your mistake (is what we teach our children), but our Government continues to do the wrong thing and try to convince us it is for our own good.

The solution is simple and would cost The Government less than the current inhumane policy.

Let them stay.

For more on refugees and Australia:

Asylum seekers can be managed with cheaper and more humane options

Asylum Seeker Resource Centre

Australia: Damning evidence of officals' involvement in transnational crimes


Grandmothers Against Detention of Refugee Children 

Illegal Maritime Arrivals - Australian Government Department of Immigration and Boarder Protection 

Julian Burnside - human rights lawyer 

Manus Island: What will it take to shock us?

Mums 4 Refugees

Naru detention centre not safe for children, says Senate committee calling for full audit into abuse claims